Tag Archives: attack

Hoverers

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Here is a call for the endurance of the saints, those who keep the commandments of God and their faith in Jesus. Rev.14:12.

Today I finished a crucial segment of God With Us.  This research and writing process is an exhilarating adventure, a gift of intimate grace.  The dwelling places of God in the covenants have captivated me forever.  When I am immersed in writing, eyeball deep in commentaries and notes, several internet windows open as I swim in glistening waterfalls of fresh revelation, I am worshipping every second.   Life bubbles up in my spirit, a clear fountain of cleanness and purity, washing me new from the inside out.

I walk away from my computer, and darkness falls on top of me.  In an instant.  Its like clockwork right now.

Attack.

I suddenly panic, like a million narrowed eyes are fixed on me, claws extended; dark presences held at bay by a fragile thread that might snap in an instant.  They are going to get me; I’m going to fail; I can’t do this.  A sticky film of imminent failure and loss hovers close to me, like mosquitoes buzzing behind citronella flame on a muggy day.

Accusation.  They got to me before, they can do it again.  This is the most effective lie.  It stops me in my tracks every time.  I failed before.  They will find a way to get at me again.  I should just stop now and give up……

When I asked the Lord to remove the Dark Hoverers, He sent me to Psalm 101.  Its a simple Psalm, written by David.  It is a Psalm that celebrates a holy life.  I will conduct the affairs of my house with a blameless heart. I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. Ps.101:2.  Walking in straightforward piety will not remove the spiritual attack, but it is a way through it.  I can choose to be holy and simple whether my heart is filled with elation or dread.  We urge you to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands. 1 Thess.4:10-11.  

Isn’t this the goal of the Christian life?  To be holy?  To be intimately acquainted with God? Again, as I have written before, my goal is not to fulfill a mission, but to walk humbly with my God.  I can do that in a million little ways on a daily basis, from folding Scott’s laundry to praying over my children in their beds.  This Bible Study is just like that.  It is always and only a way to pursue my Jesus, to be Mary at His feet. Whether it blesses anyone else is beside the point; it blesses me.  It brings me into His Presence, where there is fullness of joy.  I need nothing beyond that; it is the height and depth of joy.

How has the Lord brought you through spiritual attack?

Mission

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Let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2.

The end of last week was painful.  Generally I absorb clashes, funneling them inward to mull over as my emotions settle.  This one has been hard to release, and I think I know why.

This conflict attacked my mission.

Of course the source of the conflict was not truly human at all, but the Enemy of Our Souls. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Eph.6:12. A trusted friend doubted me, and it annihilated me.  I slashed back with defensiveness and anger.  That was wrong.  I should have responded with peaceful confidence, acknowledging her heart but standing securely, serenely, on what I know to be true about my character.

The conflict is over, resolved, settled.  The Lord brought full truth and restoration. But it jolted me, and I was shuddered by aftershocks.  If this trusted leader could question me like this, then I am not safe.  Nobody will trust me or believe me.  I’m disqualified from ministry still, in spite of what God has done to heal and redeem me over the years. This is too hard.  I can’t handle this kind of personal and spiritual attack.  

I spun out, skidded into a murky ditch of self-doubt and self-protection.  (The enemy is not original, because His weapons have proven so effective.  Fear, suspicion, shame, loss, regret.)  

Then I started to think about Moses.  Other than Jesus Christ, Moses was possibly the greatest leader who ever walked the earth. His life was steeped in relentless attack.  Attack from his own people, as well as military attack from surrounding nations. Additionally,  can you imagine the ugly haze of spiritual attack that must have surrounded the man carrying the mantle of the deliverance of God’s people?

There was a time when God’s presence nearly left Israel.  Moses had left the Israelite camp to receive the covenant from the Lord on Mount Sinai, leaving his brother Aaron the deputy leader in his place.  Aaron promptly built a calf-shaped idol out of the women’s gold jewelry and led the people in a frenzy of pagan revelry.  Moses returned, the covenant cut in stone in his arms, and discovered God’s people in their wild betrayal. The faithful Levites swept through the camp, swords in hand, striking down their fickle comrades in cleansing judgment.  But God had more to teach Moses.

Depart, go up from here, you and the people whom you have brought up from the land of Egypt, to the land of which I swore to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, saying, ‘To your descendants I will give it.’ I will send an angel before you and I will drive out the pagan peoples before you. Go up to a land flowing with milk and honey; for I will not go up in your midst, because you are an obstinate people, and I might destroy you on the way. Exodus 33:1-3.

Did you catch the great consequence, the unutterable tragedy?  I will not go up in your midst. God had already commissioned Moses to lead the people into the Promised Land, and God always keeps His word.  But the terrible faithlessness of the Israelite people caused God’s face to turn from them in righteous anger.  The solution was simple:  fulfill the mission, remove His presence.

What kind of attachment do we have to our missions?  I’m attached to mine.  My heart is set on it.  But what if I had the choice Moses did?  This was his response –

Then Moses said to the LORD, “See, You say to me, ‘Bring up this people!’ But You Yourself have not let me know whom You will send with me. Moreover, You have said, ‘I have known you by name, and you have also found favor in My sight.’ Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight. Consider too, that this nation is Your people.” Exodus 33:12-13.

Moses responded by begging God for intimate relationship.  He would not accept the fulfillment of his mission at the expense of God’s presence.  I fall to my knees in slain conviction every time I read this precious passage of Scripture.  It re-aligns my heart.  My mission is not my dream; it is God’s dream.  My only dream is to sit at His feet and bask in His presence.

Then God said this to Moses –

And He said, “My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest.”  Ex.33:14.

O, I weep even as I type it out.  This is what sustained Moses through his extraordinary life, hazy with attack, but flaming with God’s intimate presence.  This is what made Moses a remarkable leader.  He was a man who made God’s Presence his only mission.

I do not aspire to be a leader comparable to the monumental Moses, but I do desire to walk courageously and faithfully in my own microcosm of influence.  I will let everything slip through my fingers (He will catch it, and hold it to His glory) while I cry out, like Moses, for a deeper portion of my God’s mighty and tender Presence.