My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God? Ps.40:2.
On Tuesday, I spoke with a lovely lady who spends hours a day in Bible study and prayer. The pages of her Bible are scrolled with tiny writing; the thoughts, prayers and study notes of a woman who lives her life it the precious Words. Her Bible is covered in plastic wrap to shelter its ragged binding and tattered pages. Every other week I sit next to this woman in Women’s Bible Study and I stare, mesmerized, at that Bible. I barely know this beautiful saint; I just met her a few weeks ago. But I am knit to her heart because she is head over heels for the Word of God, just like me. I asked her about her time with the Lord and she told me that she immerses herself in Him for hours a day. She journals, prays, reads, worships, studies. Hours.a.day.
As I drove home from Bible study, my children bombarded me with NOISE. Ok, friends, my kids are just LOUD. They ARE. I clenched the steering wheel and disciplined my mind to listen to their little voices, to engage their little hearts.
When I got home, I fed them lunch, switched over a load of laundry, picked up toys, unloaded the dishwasher, cleaned up lunch, put Lucy down for a nap with stories and prayers, wiped down counters, let the dog out. I thought about my Bible study friend as Jack clamored for my attention. I thought about spending hours a day with the Lord. I looked down at my little man, five years old, face upturned with expectancy in his shining star eyes.
So I spent my afternoon in worship.
God has ordained time to slip away like sand streaming through our fingers. We have so little of it, so few moments to redeem for glory. O how I long for more time to spend at Your feet, Lord, to be Your Mary, to soak You in. Those days will come, both on earth and in heaven. Someday my little ones will be big ones, and these long, loud, endless days will seem like vapors in the wind. But today is not that day. Today is the day to make cupcakes with Spiderman, to read Lulu’s Shoes yet again, to sort through the laundry basket to find a clean dishcloth, to take them upstairs for another round of discipline, to spend my quiet times begging for infinite grace to sustain my motherhood. These are the years of double portions of manna.
In Psalm 27:4, King David whispered a dream to the Lord:
One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
David ached to dwell intimately with God, to spend every moment in awed worship in the shelter of the dwelling place of God. But God did not ask David to be a priest. David was a King. David carried a banner of leadership unparalleled in redemptive history. David’s heart was in the temple, but his life was in the palace.
Lord, give me wisdom to know where to spill my sands of time. Lavishly on You, lavishly on the Three who share my home, sparingly and with wisdom everywhere else. Thank You for the plastic-wrapped Bible and for the smears of icing on smiling faces. Make a way for those of us whose hearts are in Your presence but whose lives are in the sands.